You know what they don't tell you about weight loss? Or, maybe they do, and I'm not paying attention. In either case, what they may or may not tell you is THIS:
Ya can't go back to your binging ways after trying to attain a healthier frame and mindset.
Yes folks, like a lazily secured butter churn, I have fallen off the wagon.
And for two days straight last week, I did nothing but down sugar, salt, and all the other delicious things I've been giving up in favor of things on the "right" side of the food chain. And once I got started, I couldn't stop. I was like a diabetic Hoover. Everything just got sucked in.
It. Was. Awful. Awfully freaking delicious.
What's the problem, I know you asked?
The next day.
I thought I had the flu. My head was pounding, I couldn't stray more than five feet from the bathroom, work was hell, all I wanted to do was sleep...and I wanted MORE sugar. DID I have the flu? No I did not. I had a sugar/carb hangover the size of Texas. I've been to Texas. I'm not exaggerating here.
Did that learn me? No. Two nights later, I was sitting in the bar with my newly 21 brother, downing rum and pineapple juices like we had ahold of the last three pineapples on earth and had to drink them before they spoiled.
I feel like a louse. A lumpy louse at that.
Maybe I need chips or something. Not Utz, I mean, like poker chips. I survived a week without sneaking off for some Oreos, where's my reward? Because the fats not flying off fast enough for me to have to buy a new wardrobe yet, and I'm not patient.
That's really what's bothering me, I think. I'm not patient enough to lose weight. It seemed to me to be much quicker and more interesting GETTING fat (I watched SO many movies, ate SO much good food), and I know it doesn't work that quickly in reverse. But there's still that part of big ol' me that thinks "fuck it". I'll just be big. I can dress well for my size, with a little effort, who cares. It's not like I have trouble in the guy department, and I'm going to be a school teacher, but not GYM. Who is really going to care if I stay a size 14 or not?
And on that note, for reasons I can't fathom right now, I'm probably going to the gym tonight. Isn't that just peachy.
